Recap: 2013

2013 began with a whirlwind for us. We were about to embark on one of the wildest, craziest journeys of our lives: Invitro Fertilization with a gestational carrier. It never crossed our minds that it would take more than one try. After the disappointment of a failed round and no embryos left to freeze, we were able to proceed with a second round of IVF. This round proved to be even more heart-wrenching as we found out we were pregnant only to find at the 6wk mark that the pregnancy was ectopic and would not be able to progress. So, after waiting a long 6 more weeks for Kristi's HCG levels to reach zero, we were able to begin our third and final round. This time, things seemed so hopeful and as perfect as they could be, considering my crazy reproductive system. But, for reasons we don't understand the trigger shot did not work and we were left to transfer the one frozen embryo we had left from our second attempt at IVF. We found out last week that this transfer did not work...the day before Christmas Eve.

We began 2013 full of hope and we are ending it in a completely different place than we ever thought we would. We are broken and battered, tired and weary, even more than when this year began. BUT, even so, this is not the end. The team of doctors and nurses at the Florida Institute for Reproductive Medicine are working on a plan for us, for 2014, and I am eagerly awaiting the first of the year 2014. 

A lot has changed in 2013 but a lot has stayed the same. I still see Jonah and Harper's faces every time I close my eyes. I still ache to hold them in my arms. I still have their room exactly as it was when I lost Jonah. I still don't do big crowds. I still have a hard time around some people and around children. I still get mad, sad and angry at the drop of a hat. I still miss them every second of the day, everyday.

My hope for 2014 is for a baby, to love and bring up in The Lord...that has not changed. We still covet your prayers on this journey that is taking much longer than we ever expected.

Here's to the new year, hoping it is better than this one has been.