My 27th Birthday

This time last year, I was sad but I was hopeful. I had just told my family that I was pregnant with another little boy, Mr. Harper Bailey Willis. This time last year, I was scared. Scared that Harper would not make it home either. Scared that Harper would take up too much of my heart and somehow shove Jonah and his memory to the side, as ridiculous as that sounds. 

This year, I am sad and not quite as hopeful. I'm beginning to wonder if a child here on Earth is in the cards for me. I'm beginning to get scared about who I am and who I will become if none of this IVF stuff works. 

This year, on my 27 birthday, I am painfully aware that I should've had a sweet baby boy in my arms by now, twice over by now...painfully aware.

What Really Stings

You know what really stings? Seeing people that were pregnant when you were and they are pregnant with their second child...and you still haven't brought a child home. That really stings.

Today's Thoughts

I am hurting today, Jonah and Harper. Not that it ever goes away, but it has hit me the past couple of hours. I want you two here with me. I want this endless pursuit of a child here on Earth to be fulfilled. I want to be whole again and not this basket case of a person that I am. But this ache in me is ripping me apart, day by day. I want people to "get" that everything else has faded away for me except for your Daddy and you two and thoughts of a child here on Earth. I want people to "get" that I am much too preoccupied with all of this to be worried about whether I told them this or told them that...misery absolutely loves company, thats for sure. I am tired and bitter and hurt and angry...and just all out sad about things. If I could just have you two here with me...

Mother's Day 2013

Jonah, I can not believe that tomorrow will be my second Mother's Day without you. I still can't believe there was a first Mother's Day without you. And Harper, this will be my first Mother's Day without you. How is any of this even possible? I miss you both so much more than I can say! I am bitter and sad and mad, still. I am disappointed and bothered...still trying to make sense of it all. I love you, my sweet boys...so much!

"Mother's Day is a day of appreciation and respect. I can think of no mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back." - Erma Bombeck

Our First IVF/Gestational Carrier Attempt

Please click here to read about the results of our attempt at IVF with a gestational carrier.

And please, please, please pray for us...

What's Going On...

I thought it would be easier than it has been to keep this blog up-to-date as we go through the IVF with a Gestational Carrier stuff. But, it has proven to be hard for me to post on here as I post on my other blog. To read about what has been going on, click here. I will be sharing news with you soon, both on my other blog and here as well. Please continue to remember us in your prayers.

Catching Up

I have been missing this blog lately. I have been so busy with IVF and my gestational carrier stuff (you can visit my other blog by clicking here) that I haven't really had a chance to blog here about the things that have been going through my mind. I'm still missing Jonah and Harper. With every injection that I have to take, the hurt grows a little more because if my body wasn't messed up, I might have them both here...therefore: NO INJECTIONS! That would be nice! Many months later and I still can't believe that this is my life...that I have lost two boys...that I have to go on living without them...I can honestly say, this is never how I pictured things.