Becoming A Hermit

I think I'm going to become a hermit. I will go to work, church and the YMCA but that is it. These days crowds give me anxiety, especially crowded restaurants. I can't seem to go anywhere without feeling like I don't belong or like everyone in the room is looking at me or talking about how I am doing. Just last night I felt like I was going to lose my composure while waiting with my husband for my sister and brother in law to show up for dinner at a local restaurant. I sighed in relief when they finally walked through the door. Today I had a yard sale with my Mama and older sister, Erin, at my Mama's house. This lady showed up with her nine, yes nine, kids in tow. I recognize this lady because I have heard all about her before. She gives birth to all of her kids at home without any medical help. And she has nine kids and I can't have just one, just Jonah. After I saw this lady walk up I couldn't shake this from my mind, and then I saw this other lady that has 5 or 6 of her own children, so I went to the bathroom and had a good sob fest...and no one knew. I went back outside and tried to keep it together until my Mama felt the need to point out to me that the lady had nine kids, to which I snapped an told her thanks for pointing that out to me and that I already knew that an I went back to the bathroom and continued my earlier sob fest. I am just so mad that Jonah is gone and I refuse to sugar-coat it. The worst part is, I don't feel like this anger will ever subside, ever. So, for now I am becoming a hermit, crowds and greedy people are overrated anyway.