Jonah's Due Date, May 4

Yesterday was the day that I was supposed to be due with Jonah. It was a day that I had been dreading since I realized that Jonah would not be here on the 4th. So, I took the whole day off of work, as did Aaron. We decided that we would go by the cemetery and see Jonah and then head to St. George Island for the day. Once we finally made it to the beach, it was a pleasant day and I am so thankful for the time me and Aaron got to spend together, away from everybody. We did a little shopping in Tallahassee on the way home and then we came home to see our precious Ruby (again, this is my dog that feels like my child!) and hang out with her before we called it a day and all piled in bed :). It was a good day but it was a hard day...one filled with thoughts of what the day would've been or even should've been. I can say that I know God has a plan and a purpose for all of this pain but I also know that this is a pain and an ache that will never let-up and will never go away, until the day that I hold Jonah in my arms and know that we are together again. I literally ache to my core....and I carry this shadow of pain with me as a constant companion. But I know "beauty will rise from these ashes." That is the only thing that helps me put one foot in front of the other.

Jonah,
I miss you more with each passing day! I know you are so much better off in Heaven with Jesus...and I know that you know how much me and your Daddy love you. We are so sad to know that we will never get to bring you home, to meet Ruby and to raise you up as a Godly little man! But we will see you again, sweet boy. And even as I type this I know that the day we see you again is much too far away...even if that day is tomorrow! I love you so much, Jonah...so much more than I ever thought I could love anyone, besides your Daddy!