Three Weeks Later

The place that I work told me to take as much time off as I needed and I decided to take my maternity leave. I just could not see going back to the place where I sat day after day daydreaming about Jonah and how things would be once he arrived. I used to search all over the web in my downtime at work to find things for Jonah's room or to get ideas for pictures I wanted to have taken of Jonah. Every thought I had the past almost seven months at work was always about Jonah in some way or another.

So, this is week three of my maternity leave. I can't believe it has been three weeks since everything happened and I can't believe how fast time is flying by. My days consist of going to work-out at the YMCA with my sister Erin and my friend Shianna, walking at home with Ruby and thinking about Jonah constantly. Not one moment goes by in a day that he is not in my thoughts...not one single moment at all. At first I did not go anywhere unless I was going with Aaron to another town, where I would not see anyone that I knew and that is what we did the first week or so. Aaron only worked half-days so he could be with me more and so that we could just get aways some afternoons. Last Sunday I started going back to church and to Grunt's (my grandma's) for lunch afterwards but that is the extent of my outings in Moultrie (besides the YMCA to work-out). I have also went out to eat twice (reluctantly) in town with friends, trying to get me out of the house. I just have no desire to...nothing matters to me or seems important except for Jonah and this pain that I feel and I don't care to see people that I know who will say stupid things to me, trying to make things better when in reality, there is nothing they could possibly say that would make this better. Everything else in life, besides this hurt and loss that me and Aaron feel just seems so petty and pointless now.